Captured by grace

You know when God parted the clouds and throw this buzzing neon sign at you to get your attention?

God just sparked me today.

Sometimes, we really test His patience with our wilfulness, self-centredness, smart-aleckness.

Maybe God couldn`t bear to see me wrestling with something so insignificant. In fact, I think He tried to give me a gentle nudge, send caring people to counsel me, reveal stuff from scriptures when I read the Bible but still the hardheadedness and pride refuse to budge.

Ah, such stiff-necked people! (Deuteronomy 9:13)

God had to resort to using something so close to my heart, to make me open my eyes and heart to Him. Painful but yes, God, You finally caught my attention. I get your point. Or rather, points.

Your merciful warning: Don't get your fulfillment from the works of your hands or from the achievements of your own strength.

Your gentle assurance: Your faith and security is in me. Not anywhere else. Quit looking the wrong way and focus!

Your kind invite: Come to me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Thank you for angels in my life, for not giving me answers but instead throw me thought provoking questions for me to do a self-check on my spiritual/mental/emotional health.

"What is your priority right now?"

" Are you doing it for the right reason?"

Taking large mouthfuls of air to fill up my struggling lungs, a million and one thoughts flying through my brain, ready to give up hope and surrender, disappointment, pain, hurt, anger all ooozing out from my wounded heart... was that how You felt at the cross? I bet it was a million time worse.

Heartwrenching.

I finally know literally, what it means.

Was that You doing heart surgery on me, God?

I thank you that at the end of the day, You love me enough to capture me with Your grace, no matter how wilful, how arrogant, how hardened my heart was.

And I must admit, it feels much better after all the yucky things were yanked out of me.

This had been a really challenging week for me, lots of fighting going on within myself, learning to deal with many things that did not turn out as I thought they would. Perhaps, that was to be my time inside the whale`s belly, forcing me to focus on God otherwise which I will probably be doing 1001 other "more important" things.

The Real Me - Natalie Grant

Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

[Chorus:]
But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Oh,Cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty

Oh,Cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty

Oh,Cause you see the real me
And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me